Today marked chemo day #11. It was just Josh and I today as mom had work commitments she couldn't miss. She hates it when she can't be with us, but both Josh and I assure her that we're in good hands. We had an appointment to see Dr. Londer first. He was on his "game" today. Sometimes when he comes in you can tell he's disheveled and a tad flighty. He'll come in with an agenda, and next thing you know he's trying to leave the room as you're attempting to ask a question. "Dr. Londer? Umm...Dr. Londer? I have a...(door closes) Ok then". He really is a very nice guy and doesn't mean to be this way. I think he has a million things going through his mind that it's almost like he doesn't hear you. Thankfully he has his trusty side kick (babysitter) Kate that keeps him in line so if there is anything Londer missed, she's there to tie up loose ends or answer those questions for us. She's been so great!
In the beginning Dr. Londer was quite patient and blocked off lots of time for us to go through any and all questions. He'd even be so sweet as to grab my hand and just sit there with me as I'd burst into tears with a look of compassion on his face. He knew the information he was unloading onto me wasn't going to be easy. There isn't really a way of sugar coating a cancer discussion. Now that he sees what kind of support system I have, and sees how well I'm doing, I don't think he worries so much about me anymore. For an Oncologist who sees it all to tell me how good I look and how exceptionally well I'm doing throughout this process every time we meet, I'll take that as a good sign.
Once my appointment was done with Dr. Londer, it was off to pick my room of choice, which is always the same room because I'm a creature of habit. Deb (the scheduler) was walking the other direction with what I'm assuming was a patient so we didn't have our usual chat, but she said, "you can go on back to Amy hon" so off we went, and Amy was there to greet us. I haven't seen her the last couple times we were there, so it was nice to catch up on life. I tell you what though...today was one of those days that makes me feel so grateful and blessed for what I have going for me in my life...
There was a very tall, burly man in the next cube over that was coughing like crazy, but it wasn't just any kind of cough. It was a "lung cancer cough" according to Amy. I thought maybe he was choking on something. Hearing him cough and wheezing for air really saddened me. It sounded so painful, and the worst part of all was that he was all alone. Every now and then he'd get up and wander around to chat with Wayne (another chemo nurse). He looked like he just rolled out of bed. His hair was a mess, and he was wearing gray sweatpants, a gray t-shirt and slippers. His skin was quite pale. His lips had no color that blended in with his complexion, but had very prominent purple bags under his eyes. Needless to say, he looks like he has been "through the ringer". I pray for this individual, and hope that he has a support system during this time of need. I pray that peace is brought to his soul and comfort to his body as he goes through his own cancer journey. Let us pray for healing for this man.
All morning I had been watching this older individual walking around - I'm going to put him in his 70's, but could be totally off base. He was wearing what appeared to be a polo shirt under a sweater and then a short-sleeved royal blue shirt over that saying Hubert Humphrey Volunteer. He would do laps all morning long, making stops to chat with staff and patients, but I didn't think too much about it. As we neared the end of treatment, he made his way over to our room and introduced himself as Dennis Carlson and said it was his first day volunteering at Hubert Humphrey. We introduced ourselves and shook his hand. He seemed like a very kind man. He went on to tell us what his connection was to Hubert Humphrey - his wife Vonnie of 50 years who recently passed away. Vonnie started off with skin cancer - melanoma to be exact. She had surgery for it and was considered "cured" only to later develop cancer in her spine that metastasized into her liver. Seriously? As if having cancer once in a lifetime isn't bad enough! The doctors told her she'd be lucky to make it a year and ended up surviving 2 - passing on November 3, 2011.
He couldn't say enough good things about her, really talking her up to being such a wonderful and selfless person. After a while he took a moment to take a deep breath, looked down towards his shoes and said, "I miss her every day. She was my best friend". You could see so much heartache in his eyes, and my heart was breaking for this man I had just met. That's when I lost it. I was frantically wiping tears from my eyes with the sleeves of my fleece shirt so he didn't see me and think that he may have upset me and feel like he needs to leave. Thankfully he saw someone he knew who had known Vonnie and they chatted just long enough for me to regain my composure. Even if he did end up seeing my tears, I would have assured him that he wasn't upsetting me. In fact, I probably would have gotten up to embrace him if I wasn't all tied up in IV cords because my heart went out to him. Sometimes all a person wants is an ear to listen and open arms to be embraced in.
You could tell there was so much love there in his relationship with Vonnie. They really had something special after all these years together. 50 years is so admirable. Even though Dennis was heart broken, I think that in his heart he knew volunteering at HH was something he needed to do for his own healing, and because it's what Vonnie would have wanted. He carries a wallet size picture of her everywhere he goes so she's always with him. I was actually able to find her obituary online, which contains the same picture he showed us today.
Please pray for Dennis as he transitions into a world without his beloved bride. May he find comfort and healing through his volunteer work at Hubert Humphrey and continue to touch the lives of others with stories of his beautiful wife and life partner while finding a new sense of peace within himself.
"For Good" - Wicked the Musical
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