As I get ready for chemo round 3 this Friday, I've got a lot going through my mind...mostly related to my hair.  It has started slowly thinning out over the course of this past week, and I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for round 3 really taking its toll on what hair I have left.  I notice my hair everywhere these days - broken pieces on my vanity after brushing my hair, in the bathroom sink, and especially in the shower when I'm shampooing my hair.  I'll look down at my hands and will realize several pieces of hair have formed a web tangled throughout my fingers.  At this rate, I'll be bald before I know it!  Although I'm trying to be optimistic hoping that maybe I'll keep most of my hair despite all odds, I need to be realistic here.  Losing my hair is all apart of this journey I'm on, and I need to dig deep down inside and find the woman in me who will own it and walk with my head held high regardless if people stare.  I hope she's in there somewhere...

 I have an appointment scheduled at DK International a couple Tuesdays from now.  I'm really looking forward to seeing what Michelle is able to do with these 2 blonde wigs I'm the proud owner of.  Hopefully they end up looking like my real hair, only much lighter.  The last few times I've gone to get my hair done at a salon, the color didn't want to lift and if it did, it was never light enough.  The stylist would ask me every time, "Are you on any new medications perhaps?" My answer being no.  We just figured maybe the hard water had something to do with it.  The pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together as I think back to certain situations in which my body was trying to tell me that something just isn't right.  I can't dwell on the past though.  All I can do now is focus on the present and getting better.

Soon here I'll be having my first PET scan since the initial one to see how fast the cancer is essentially melting away.  I'm beyond nervous for this appointment.  What if the cancer hasn't been phased by chemo?  I highly doubt this will be the case being that the shortness of breath and constant need to cough are gone.  I really do feel great these days (knock on wood) outside of being a little more fatigued than normal.  I just worry about the "what ifs".  I can't help myself!  I come by this naturally.  My mom and I follow the same logic - prepare yourself for the absolute worst that way if it's bad news, we're ready for it, and if it's good news, then it's a bonus.  You're probably thinking that's a terrible way of looking at things, and to think of the glass being half full vs. it always being half empty.  I'd totally agree with you.  I guess you could say it's just my way of protecting myself.  Maybe it goes back to my need to have control.  Ok...enough with that.  I feel like all I need now is a leather couch to lay on while a shrink pretends to listen about my control issues with the continuous "uh huh" and occasional head nod while drawing animal figures on his notepad.  

 

I figure since I've been feeling so good lately that it's time to get my butt back into working out again.  This drug that I have to take 3 days after chemo, Dexamethasone, gives me a serious case of the munchies!  All I want to do is EAT on these days.  Yes, this means that double stuffed Oreo's is fair game for breakfast.  Don't judge me!

Before treatments started I lost 14 lbs. without trying.  I've definitely managed to gain at least 7 of it back...probably more.  Dr. Londer suggests that I stay clear from the gym as much as possible with 1. It being cold and flu season  2.  Large groups of people and 3. The dirty machines.  Josh and I have talked about buying gym equipment in the past, but this whole situation has encouraged us to really talk seriously about it.  We decided to go on Craigs List this past weekend and found an elliptical that we ended up getting an amazing deal on.  My parents are wonderful and are reimbursing us for the amount we spent (thanks guys!).   I can't even describe how amazing it feels to be active again.  I went outside for my first run in god only knows how long this past Saturday, and ever since my body has craved the exercise.  I figure as long as I feel good, it's ok for me to push myself a little and burn off some of those extra calories (and fat)!  I think I'm going to like this whole working out at home thing!