As I get ready for chemo round 3 this Friday, I've got a lot going through my mind...mostly related to my hair.  It has started slowly thinning out over the course of this past week, and I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for round 3 really taking its toll on what hair I have left.  I notice my hair everywhere these days - broken pieces on my vanity after brushing my hair, in the bathroom sink, and especially in the shower when I'm shampooing my hair.  I'll look down at my hands and will realize several pieces of hair have formed a web tangled throughout my fingers.  At this rate, I'll be bald before I know it!  Although I'm trying to be optimistic hoping that maybe I'll keep most of my hair despite all odds, I need to be realistic here.  Losing my hair is all apart of this journey I'm on, and I need to dig deep down inside and find the woman in me who will own it and walk with my head held high regardless if people stare.  I hope she's in there somewhere...

 I have an appointment scheduled at DK International a couple Tuesdays from now.  I'm really looking forward to seeing what Michelle is able to do with these 2 blonde wigs I'm the proud owner of.  Hopefully they end up looking like my real hair, only much lighter.  The last few times I've gone to get my hair done at a salon, the color didn't want to lift and if it did, it was never light enough.  The stylist would ask me every time, "Are you on any new medications perhaps?" My answer being no.  We just figured maybe the hard water had something to do with it.  The pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together as I think back to certain situations in which my body was trying to tell me that something just isn't right.  I can't dwell on the past though.  All I can do now is focus on the present and getting better.

Soon here I'll be having my first PET scan since the initial one to see how fast the cancer is essentially melting away.  I'm beyond nervous for this appointment.  What if the cancer hasn't been phased by chemo?  I highly doubt this will be the case being that the shortness of breath and constant need to cough are gone.  I really do feel great these days (knock on wood) outside of being a little more fatigued than normal.  I just worry about the "what ifs".  I can't help myself!  I come by this naturally.  My mom and I follow the same logic - prepare yourself for the absolute worst that way if it's bad news, we're ready for it, and if it's good news, then it's a bonus.  You're probably thinking that's a terrible way of looking at things, and to think of the glass being half full vs. it always being half empty.  I'd totally agree with you.  I guess you could say it's just my way of protecting myself.  Maybe it goes back to my need to have control.  Ok...enough with that.  I feel like all I need now is a leather couch to lay on while a shrink pretends to listen about my control issues with the continuous "uh huh" and occasional head nod while drawing animal figures on his notepad.  

 

I figure since I've been feeling so good lately that it's time to get my butt back into working out again.  This drug that I have to take 3 days after chemo, Dexamethasone, gives me a serious case of the munchies!  All I want to do is EAT on these days.  Yes, this means that double stuffed Oreo's is fair game for breakfast.  Don't judge me!

Before treatments started I lost 14 lbs. without trying.  I've definitely managed to gain at least 7 of it back...probably more.  Dr. Londer suggests that I stay clear from the gym as much as possible with 1. It being cold and flu season  2.  Large groups of people and 3. The dirty machines.  Josh and I have talked about buying gym equipment in the past, but this whole situation has encouraged us to really talk seriously about it.  We decided to go on Craigs List this past weekend and found an elliptical that we ended up getting an amazing deal on.  My parents are wonderful and are reimbursing us for the amount we spent (thanks guys!).   I can't even describe how amazing it feels to be active again.  I went outside for my first run in god only knows how long this past Saturday, and ever since my body has craved the exercise.  I figure as long as I feel good, it's ok for me to push myself a little and burn off some of those extra calories (and fat)!  I think I'm going to like this whole working out at home thing!

What's new?

Since last Friday's round of chemo, I've been trying to lay low as much as possible.  I worked from home on Monday which I'll continue to do on chemo weeks since my immune system is still low during this time.  When I got into the office on Tuesday everyone sitting immediately around me was "feeling a little under the weather" as I overheard one say.  All 4 of them are fighting the same type of cold - the deep chesty cold that produces a lot of phlegm and gives you that raspy almost hoarse man voice.  You know the one. 

I have to admit that I got a little fired up over it.  I thought to myself, how disrespectful of you to come to work when you feel miserable and spread your "funk" (as I call it) all over the office!  What was one person with a cold is now the entire team with a cold because it spread like wild fire.  What good does that do anyone?  After giving myself a purell bath and washing down my keyboard, mouse, cell phone, water bottle, and desk I calmed down a bit, and decided that I'm going to give these people a "pass".  Even though they're all hacking up a lung, I know that there is still work that needs to get done.  I don't know what their situation is and I'm sure that if they had their choice, they'd prefer to be at home in bed instead of working.  We've all been there, and I'm guilty of it too.  I guess I'm just a bit more sensitive these days because I have to keep this immune system of mine in check.

Speaking of immune system, I went in for some blood work this afternoon because Dr. Londer wanted to make sure my WBC was back up since it crashed and burned on Friday.  Thankfully my numbers are up!  The normal range for the WBC is between 4.30 and 10.80 and mine are currently at 4.37.  The other WBC's that are my "infection fighters" are also in good ranges too thankfully.  It makes me feel a little better knowing those are up with all the sickness going around.  I'd prefer not to live in a bubble all winter long if I can help it!  

Wig Update:
Josh and I ventured downtown on Wednesday over our lunch break to check out the wigs at the American Cancer Society.  ACS gives out one free wig to people going through chemo so we figured it couldn't hurt to go check it out.  If we found something, great, and if not, at least we checked.  It turned out to be quite the adventure between being given bad directions and the rain.

ACS is located within Hennepin County Medical Center, and we parked where we thought it was located only for it to be down a few more blocks.  Of course it decided to rain the second we stepped outside trying to find this place.  Thankfully it was more of a misty kind of rain vs. a downpour.  We ended up being 15 minutes late when it was all said and done but the woman we met with was very understanding and brought us back to the room with all the wigs.  The process itself couldn't have been any easier.  I filled out a quick form and was trying on wigs before I knew it.  The selection of blonde wigs wasn't the best.  A lot of them were too short and I wanted something that had a bit of length on it that way if I wanted to cut it, I'd have that option.  The woman did end up finding one in the mix that falls right below the shoulders so we decided to go with it.  The best part about the wig besides the fact that it was free of charge is that it's made out of real hair just like my other one.  I'm looking forward to my appointment now with DK International to have the wigs cut and styled so they look more like my hair.  I'm thinking I'll have one cut short like I currently have my hair and then keep the other one a little longer.  It's good to have variety!


  

A quiet weekend at home...

Since my last chemo treatment on Friday,  I've been hunkered down at home since my immune system is pretty crummy right now.  Of course because I'm told to stay at home and not venture out where there could be large groups of people, I want to do the exact opposite.  I know what's best for me, and I'm all about following the "rules" - I'm just becoming a tad stir crazy.

On Friday night, I only managed to get 5 hours of sleep.  I was told that after my second chemo that I may get a burst of energy, and the doc was right.  Come 10 pm it was like I got my second wind, and didn't fall asleep until 1 am only to be wide awake by 6:30 when I got up to feed the kitties.  I made up for my lack of sleep though and then some last night.  I got 13 hours of sleep.  Yes, 13 hours folks!  I can't remember the last time I slept 13 straight hours.  This did mean though that I was out cold by 8 pm on a Saturday night (sad, I know), but what else did I have going on?  It felt wonderful! 

One benefit of us being forced to stay indoors is that both Josh and I have been so productive.  I started AND completed all my thank you cards, and all the dishes and laundry are clean and put away.  Josh being the amazing husband he is ran all the errands this weekend.  He went grocery shopping, picked up the assortment of thank you cards for me, and get this...went to Express and picked me up a couple new pairs of dress pants I was eying down online.  I won't go into detail about how excited (yeah right!) he was about making that trip for me, but I had a coupon and today was the last day I could use it.  Thank you dear!  The pants fit great =)  He even swung by Papa Murphy's on his way home and picked up a take n' bake pizza because I made mention earlier in the day that pizza sounded kind of good.  What a guy, huh?  I'm one lucky lady. 

Just another Chemo Friday

Today was round two for Chemo, and I couldn't have asked for it to go any better.  After my first chemo treatment I was given a Lidocaine cream that's meant to numb the port when it's accessed.  The first time I tried the Lidocaine, I gave myself 45 minutes for it to absorb into the skin, and it was not enough time because I still felt it burn when the needle went in.  This morning I decided to give myself a good hour and a half and to my surprise, I felt NOTHING.  Absolutely nothing.  It was amazing!  This was definitely one of those note to self moments.  I know now that anytime the port is going to be accessed to my knowledge, that I'll want to give myself at least an hour to get that bad boy numbed up.

I've been going back and forth on whether or not to post a picture of my "battle wounds" but have people wanting to see what the port looks like under my skin so I decided why not? My incisions are healing up quite nicely, and I'm hoping the scars will fade with time.  The port is what's sticking out from under my skin on the right side of my chest.  I apologize in advance if this grosses you out.  It still kind of grosses me out!

The port

Josh and mom came to treatment with me this morning just as last time.  We camped out in the same room we were in on day one, and decided that's going to be our room going forward through this process.  We are all about having control, and even though we lost that control with this Lymphoma diagnosis, we have control over where we're going to sit each time we're in there, and what we're going to stuff in our faces while we sit for the next 3 hours.  Today it was mini muffins, bananas, cool ranch Doritos, and sandwiches...all before 11 AM.  Thanks mom for bringing the goods!  She even brought Miracle Whip and Dijon Mustard for the sandwiches.  What a gal!

Treatments usually start between 8:30 and 9 most days even though we're there earlier to meet with Dr. Londer (my Oncologist) first to discuss how the previous treatments went, and any side effects I may have experienced.  After the first round of chemo, I had such gut rot which I blogged about previously.  Dr. Londer chalks it up to nerves of the appointment itself, which makes total sense.  This time around I knew what to expect.  It's that fear of the unknown that gets me.  I had such horrendous stomach acidity issues after that first treatment, and today it was so much better.  When I got in there, they took blood work first which is standard because they want to make sure my white and red blood counts are good before they start pumping my body with the ABVD drugs.  The results came back showing that I basically bottomed out, which isn't such a good thing.  My WBC (white blood count) went from 3.3, which is a tad low anyways to 1.8 and my Granulocytes, which is another category of WBC's went from 2.76 to 0.41.  Thankfully though, my Monocytes went up considerably, meaning my bone marrow is doing it's job!  On 9/9, they were at 2 and 0.05 and are now up to 29 and 0.51.  My Lymphosites, which are my immature WB cells are up considerably from 9/9 which means that although my counts bottomed out, my body is getting ready to building up these cells.  So what does all this mean for those of us not in the medical field?  Simply that yes, my immune system is down considerably right now, but that my body is working it's butt off to get me better.  This also meant that they could carry out my chemo as planned. Time to rock and roll baby!

While we're on the subject of a weak immune system,  there are going to be times when my immune system is down (obviously).  Unfortunately that means that as much as I want to see family and friends, I will need to stay away from children and anyone who has so much as a sniffle, even if you think/know it's from allergies.  This includes anyone who may not be sick themselves, but has been around others who have been sick.  Please understand that it has nothing to do with me not caring about you or wanting to spend time with you.  It just means there will be times, typically 3-4 days after chemo that my body will be extremely vulnerable to infection which will be much harder to fight off and could result in a hospital stay, which I'd like to avoid if possible.  Note though that for the most part, I should be up and running the rest of the time so we can reschedule fun stuff if we run into this situation =)

Here are a few pictures from the past couple Chemo Fridays for your viewing pleasure...

Chemo Day 1 - Checking in with Deb (the scheduler)

 Mom and I waiting to head back to the room. Feeling a bit on edge...

All hooked up and ready to go.

 Chemo Day 2 (Today) - Mom and Josh

 Here we go again! Chemo Round 2.  Still smiling!

This isn't much of a transition, but I want to wish my brother Kevin a happy 23rd birthday today!  It was nice to spend time with him, Josh, and the parents this evening.  We got some good laughs in and indulged in steaks, whipped potatoes that probably contained half a days caloric count in 1 healthy spoonful, and red velvet cake.  I think it's safe to say nobody left hungry!