You're probably wondering how the PET scan went on Tuesday. It went fine. All in all it's about the easiest procedure to have when compared to having a port put in your chest, or a bone marrow test. You check in, answer some standard questions, they put an IV in your arm to take blood and make sure your blood sugar levels are good, inject a small amount of radiopharmaceutical, and then you literally hang out in a dark room for 45 minutes before they bring you into the room where you lay still for another 20 minutes. Some people sleep, but not me! Even with the warm blanket on my lap and around my shoulders, I closed my eyes and my mind began to wander. First I thought about food (naturally!). You can't eat or drink anything (besides plain water) 6 hours before the scan so by the time 9:15 rolled around, I was STARVING. I then started thinking about Friday and proceeded to play out all the possible scenarios in my head. Good AND bad.
Even though I'm sure the results will show good things, I still wonder what I'll do if it doesn't. What if the steroids and drugs are simply just holding the cancer at bay vs. melting it away? I don't think I can honestly handle receiving bad news at this point in time, especially since I've been working so hard at remaining positive, and have been feeling so good. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself here, but this is the result of making me wait 3 days for answers on this PET scan!! It's torture. My mind starts to go places it shouldn't. I need to just keep reminding myself to breathe...take things one day at a time...and stay OPTIMISTIC.
Have you ever experienced happiness and utter sadness at the same time? It seems like everyone I know these days is either pregnant, or recently had a baby. If it's not pregnancy announcements or birth announcements, it's postings of adorable baby pictures on Facebook. My Facebook is literally covered in everything BABY. Don't get me wrong. I'm so happy for others who are experiencing such joy in their life right now. What a blessed time! It's just a reminder that the journey I'm on right now is the absolute opposite of wonderful. Could you say that I'm jealous? Absolutely! Are there times when I wallow in my self pity? More than you know! First I feel bad for myself, then I get angry that I'm going through this, and then something inside of me tells me to snap out of it, put my big girl pants on, and deal with the hand I've been dealt. So that's what I do, and that's what I'll continue to do.
Life is...
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is a beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is life, fight for it.
-Mother Teresa
You are doing so wonderful about remaining positive. Remember, it is totally okay to have those days to cry. I think about and pray for you everyday! I love your life is quote. You are so strong and inspirational, and remember, when you get down, we are all here to pick you up again! Praying that the PET scan results are positive!
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