Yesterday was the first day since Friday that I haven't felt completely "out of it".  I got my nuelasta shot on Friday afternoon at Hubert Humphrey, and lets just say it kicked me square in the back side.  My initial concern with the shot was the potential of it causing muscle, joint and bone pain.  Thankfully I haven't run into any of these issues.  Instead, I battled extreme exhaustion all weekend long.  I got 11 + hours of sleep both Friday and Saturday night, woke up just long enough to get some food and fluids into my body, and then went straight back to bed to log another 3-4 hours of sleep.  I just could not get enough!

I've had these grand plans of blogging about my hospital experience, but every time I'd sit down to start typing, a wave of exhaustion would come over me, and I'd feel the need to lay down due to feeling light-headed or even dizzy.  Even checking my email was a chore unless I did it on my cell phone from the bed.  Needless to say, nothing got accomplished this weekend, and poor Josh had to deal with me sleeping the Easter weekend away, or acting like a zombie when I was awake.  I know I just started this new form of chemo along with the nuelasta shots, but I'm already sick of it!

Before I forget I want to show you what my last PET scan looked like.  As you can see, I still have a ways to go.  The spots are pretty hard to miss, aren't they?  Why won't this cancer just GO AWAY?!  It's discouraging when previous scans show literally no signs of active cells, and then you go 3 weeks without chemo, and bam!  There it is staring you in the face.  Things aren't supposed to work out this way.  In an ideal world, a person should get their chemotherapy, and then be done with this nonsense, and be able to move on with their life.  Actually...scratch that!  In an ideal world, people wouldn't get cancer.  PERIOD!

Sure, I have my good days when I'm upbeat and positive, but I'd definitely be lying to say I'm not also Debbie Downer on more occasions than I'll ever admit.  Nothing about this cancer journey is easy, but I'm doing the best I can.  I'm in survival mode.  If crying into my pillow at night keeps me from having a melt down at work, then so be it.  If being hospitalized and getting shots in my gut brings me one step closer to winning this battle, then so be it.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I'll do whatever it takes!  I just want my life back.