A few weeks prior to my doctor appointment on the 23rd I was having bouts with what I thought was just my allergies and asthma acting up. My lungs wheezed whenever I'd cough, and I was coughing A LOT! Ask my poor husband who would almost be asleep when I'd break out into a coughing fit. I can't blame the guy for being irritated. I was annoyed with myself! Rarely did the cough ever produce anything, but I'd use my inhalers constantly which helped to control the cough somewhat. After a week of just not being able to breathe, I decided to go and see my doctor. She listened to my wheezing lungs and could hear a crackling noise in my chest when I'd take a deep breath in and exhale out. She said, "it sounds like a case of walking pneumonia to me!". The difference between walking pneumonia and regular pneumonia is that I still felt well enough to roll out of bed and go into work each day even though the summers air made my chest ache.
I was prescribed Augmentin initially which did nothing, so after 4 days I reached out to my doctor again and she prescribed me Prednisone. I felt like a million bucks! It opened my airways up within a day, making it easier for me to breathe without coughing immediately afterwards. My energy levels returned and the fevers/chills went away. A couple days after I finished out the Prednisone, I started to feel something in my back whenever I'd inhale. I didn't feel it every time though. Only when I'd take a deep breath in, I'd feel something move around. I knew I needed to get in to see my doctor right away. I was also experiencing heaviness in my left arm along with numbing/tingling in a couple fingers (only on the left hand). I thought maybe I had a pinched nerve, and figured I'd mention it to the doctor when I saw her about my back.
I went in and we discussed what was going on. At this time, my doctor ordered a chest x-ray which came back showing a large circle on the right side of my chest - maybe the size of an orange. She said it appeared to be a mass of some sort and wanted to get me in for a CT scan that evening. By this time it was 5:30 pm and most of the nurses and doctors were on their way out the door for the evening. We were able to get in at the hospital, which thankfully is connected to the family practice clinic so I didn't have to go far. The CT scan took about 5 minutes, but I was told to wait in the lobby for the results to come back. I kept checking my phone to see what time it was. 6:00 went by...6:30...6:45...I was wondering what the heck was taking so long! My stomach felt like it was starting to eat itself by this point. I hadn't had anything to eat since lunch time, and I was starting to get anxious. Eventually 7:00 came around and the woman that did my CT scan came out to get me to bring me back into a small dim-lit room. I could sense she was worried. She handed me the phone with my doctor on the other end, and just kept saying, "I'm so sorry"..."Do you want me to stay?" Now I'm nervous. What could my doctor possibly need to tell me? I don't think I will ever be able to forget how everything played out. In her words, "Hi Stephanie. Are you alone?" My response being "yes" "Are you sitting down?" Once again my response was "yes". "Stephanie, the radiologist took a good look at your CT scan, and I'm sorry I have to do this over the phone, but I wanted you to know right away. Stephanie, it appears that you have Lymphoma in your chest". At that moment, it felt like the walls were caving in. All the blood rushed out of my face, and all I could say was, "Ok??" I was numb. My doctor kept talking, but I don't really remember anything she said once I heard "Lymphoma". At one point I asked her if this was a joke. How could I possibly have Lymphoma? My family history of cancer is basically non-existent, and I'm 27 years old! All these thoughts started flooding my mind, "Lymphoma means Cancer. People die of Cancer. I can't die right now. I'm too young! Clearly she must be talking about someone else!" Unfortunately she wasn't.
I live just the next exit up from the clinic so I made the decision to drive home. I probably shouldn't have, but I just needed to get home. I literally ran out of the office and ran the entire way to my car with my phone in hand and tears streaming down my face. I got Josh on the phone, and just sobbed. "I've got bad news! This is not good!" I sat in my Jeep for a few minutes to tell myself I needed to just breathe. I kept replaying what had just taken place, and could not even believe what I had heard. Once I got home Josh and I sat on the couch and just held each other. Me sobbing, and him telling me everything is going to be ok. Was it though? I sure didn't feel like everything was going to be ok!! I made the call to my mom and asked that her and dad come over right away. Mom could sense something was terribly wrong and said they'd be right over. I just could not bare to tell them over the phone. It was the worst news I had to share when they walked in the door. There were a lot of tears and a lot of questions about how this could be happening. I don't think anything can prepare someone for news like that, whether it's news regarding your own health, or a loved one. It hits a person just as hard.
Today is Tuesday, August 30th - Exactly a week from when I received word that I had Lymphoma. Today was very difficult as I received the actual diagnosis of what kind - Hodgkins Lymphoma - Stage 3. They classify it as stage 3 because the mass is technically on both sides of my chest and extends down to the abdomen. We got to see the PET scan results today, and that made things too real for us. I don't think we expected the mass to be as large as it was. We were also not expecting Dr. Londer to say I'm a stage 3. Being where this cancer is, and what stage I'm in, chemo is the way to go, and I start this Friday already. Yes, this means I will lose my hair, which I'm devastated about, but I know it will grow back. I'm hoping to get a couple good wigs in place sooner rather than later. I also asked him about harvesting eggs, and he said I just don't have time. He did say though that there's a small chance it will affect my fertility, but that this doesn't mean it will. He has plenty of patients that have gone on to having kids without a problem. That was a hard one for me to take. I feel like I've been asking God to bless Josh and I with a baby for a year now, only for it to be cancer instead. I couldn't understand why I just was not getting pregnant, but I know now. I need to leave this in God's hands. Even though Josh and I are feeling deflated today, your prayers and warm wishes mean so much to us and keep us strong, especially during times like this when we are not feeling so strong.
A look at the rest of the week:
Wednesday - August 31 - 8:45 arrival at North Memorial Robbinsdale Radiology
*Procedure: Having a port put in to make it easily accessible for the chemo treatments vs. them sticking an IV in every time. I'm also having a MUGA test done. This is a heart test to make sure my heart is strong enough.
Thursday - September 1 - 9:30 arrival at North Memorial Robbinsdale Patient Care Center
*Procedure: Bone Marrow sample - make sure I don't have it in my bones. The doctor thinks this will come out normal.
Friday - September 2 - 8:15 arrival at Hubert Humphrey Cancer Center
*Procedure: Day 1 of chemo therapy. Here goes nothing!
No comments:
Post a Comment