There is a woman at my work that I’ve wanted to meet for months, but the timing was always wrong.  Usually when I see (we’ll call her) Rose in the halls, I always had somewhere I needed to be, and I knew that when I finally got up the courage to introduced myself to her, I didn’t want it to be in quick passing.  This is someone I had an immediate connection with – she just didn’t know it yet. I’ve struggled on multiple occasions with this potential meeting because I just wasn’t sure about the delivery of my message.  You’ll get what I mean in a moment.  The shy, introverted part of me was telling me to let it go, and focus on me, but something deep in my heart was telling me that I needed to take the leap, put myself out there, and strike up conversation with this woman. 

At this point you may be wondering why I was so interested in meeting this woman, and my answer for you is simple:  I admire her.  Rose has breast cancer, and has been on my mind and heart since the first day I saw her.  One of the first times was actually in the restroom.  I walked in and instantly noticed the brightly colored hat she was wearing that matched the shirt she had on that day.  I remember overhearing the conversation she was having in the corner with another woman basically pouring her heart out about what she has been going through in her cancer battle – the nausea from the chemo, the extreme fatigue, and the hair loss (hence the hat).  The poor woman felt like she needed to explain her hat.  Why do we feel the need to justify things like this to others?  Is it because we feel like we’re being judged so we have to explain ourselves in order to gain acceptance?   Anyways, in my eavesdropping, I also found out that was she a fairly new employee, diagnosed shortly after starting with the company.  I too was diagnosed with cancer soon after starting my new job, and wanted her to know she wasn’t alone, but I just couldn’t bring myself to interrupt her conversation.  When I walked back to my desk I felt like I had missed my opportunity, and instantly had regrets of how I could have approached that better.   Why didn’t I just speak up?   

A couple other “sightings” happened (I promise I’m really not a stalker), but I froze every time as so many questions went through my mind - “What if she isn’t open to this conversation I’m trying to initiate?”  “What if she gets upset?”  I’d feel terrible!  And how would I even start this conversation?  “Hi, I see you’re bald.  Me too!”…yeah, I don’t think so.  I’ve played out all sorts of different scenarios in my head, and it’s very possible that I’ve maybe put too much thought into this.  I’m not very good at initiating conversation with complete strangers.  It's just not in my nature let alone my comfort zone.  Still though, something inside of me told me I needed to do this.

Apparently today was the day.  I passed Rose not only once in the hall on my way to the restroom, but again on my way back.  In fact, we practically collided into each other as we were both coming around the corner.  God was clearly trying to send me the message that it was time to make my move!  It was kind of comical really.  It’s like he was saying, “if I need to make you two literally smack into each other in order for you to say something to her, then that’s what I’ll do.”  I noticed right away that she was wearing the same brightly colored hat and matching shirt that she was wearing the first time I saw her, and without thinking twice I said, “I love your hat”.  She looked back at me, put her hand to her hat, and said, “thank you”.  Instead of continuing to walk she stood there facing me like she wanted to say something more.  It was then that she walked a little closer to me to say, “I wear this hat because I lost all my hair due to cancer”.   I could tell that she was testing the waters to see where I’d go with this.  I nodded to show her I understood, and then told her that I’m almost 8 months out from a stem cell transplant after several rounds of chemo and radiation.  I thought she would have been surprised, but instead she said, “I noticed your short hair, and was wondering if you were the person that so-in-so mentioned having cancer”.  She already knew.  She said she has seen me before, but didn’t know how to approach me.  All this time, who would have thought!? We were both curious about the other, but we both had our reservations.  

Before we parted ways, Rose said, “I’ve talked to so many people recently who either blow off what I’ve got going on as no big deal or won’t even ask me how I'm coping.  I just want to tell you how much this conversation has meant to me, and how good it feels to finally talk to someone who gets it.”  It warms my heart knowing that I could bring comfort to Rose, and I told her that if she needed anything at all whether if it's just to vent or chat about life to come find me.  I have a feeling we’ll be seeing each other again real soon.